Thursday, January 13, 2011

2011 Food Challenge: Lauren Hernandez

Two things that I used to eat before I met Lauren.  Two things that I no longer eat as an organic, liberal locavore who has both read "Ominvore's Dilemma" and watched "Food Inc."  Lauren's challenge is to make these foods using only natural, organic, local ingredients.

I am not entirely convinced that these things can be made out of REAL FOOD.  Lauren assures me that it is possible, and I'm sure it will involve a thoroughly mutilated chicken from the Farmer's Market that I will grudgingly lovingly clean up afterward.  Jamie Oliver and Tony Bourdain will hate us for it, but we must try.  If McDonald's is the Empire (with Ray Kroc playing an overweight Darth Vader), Lauren is our only hope.  Help us, Lauren, you're our only hope.

This was my go-to lunch and dinner for a number of years (I didn't eat breakfast back then).  Nothing like following up a long night at the bar with pepperoni pizza Hot Pockets dipped in ranch dressing, am I right?  Why ingest 3,000 calories a night when you could be ingesting 4,000?  For only $2.50!  No fucking wonder I almost cracked 200 pounds!  Anyway, many fine establishments serve something similar under the name calzone.  But I'm not talking about that.  I'm talking about a small, serving size pizza-in-a-pocket, made from the best that local food producers have to offer.  I want a Salumi and Mont Blanchard* homemade hot pocket, motherfucker!

*"Mont Blanchard" is a cheddar produced by Samish Bay Cheese, available at your local Farmer's Market.

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