Monday, August 22, 2011

A Moratorium on Baby-Making Talk

(This post is on behalf of every young, married, and childless couple, everywhere.)

I was going to start this post with the line, “Everyone loves babies”. Then I realized that’s patently untrue. I’ve spent enough time in the hipster mecca of Capitol Hill to understand that some people can’t fucking stand children. No, really, take your kids with you to Skillet sometime and feel the glares. I’ve seen it happen.

Me on the other hand, I like children. Some of my closest friends and family have wee ones, and I truly enjoy their kids. No joke! The children are our future, etc., etc.

That said, ENOUGH WITH THE GODDAMN BABY-MAKING TALK. Generally, I like to hang out with you. However, I hate being pestered at every available opportunity about when we’re going to have one.  Yes, I know you want us to have a baby. Your comments have been noted and included in the record. Bringing it up again and again and again, at the expense of any other meaningful conversation between us, is beyond annoying. You do not get a vote, and contrary to what you might think, your behavior is neither cute nor appropriate.

Believe me, it’ll happen when it happens, so just chill out. I don’t think you’re coming from a bad place, but put yourself in my shoes: if I just repeated the same thing, over and over again, every time we had a chance to talk to each other, would you still want to hang out with me? So seriously, fuck off with the goddamn baby-making talk. How about them Seahawks?