Sunday, February 12, 2012
LAUREN: NFL teams will be divided by mascot. Land Mammals are all together. Stereotypes, for lack of a better term, are all together as well. There will be a Bird division. There will also be an Aquatic Mammal division, so the Dolphins will actually have a chance at winning their division.
We need to include a beauty contest, starting at the Combine, but continuing annually for all players. I want to know how they look in a bathing suit, I want to know their special talents, but more importantly, I want to know if they're attractive enough to be on TV. It's their job to look good for my entertainment, and I really don't think they're taking it seriously.
IAN: Roethlisberger, pack your bags. Flacco, pluck that 'brow. Eli, give us your big boy face. Rodgers can give you grooming tips.
But seriously, this would make things easier for the casual fan. I would add a Mythical Creature division, a Pirate division, and a Dubious Nouns division. Browns vs. Chargers, four times a year. Norv Turner still won't make the playoffs.
So, we're looking at a lopsided pile of awesome that goes something like this:
LAND MAMMAL DIVISION
Bears, Lions, Bengals, Colts, Jaguars, Broncos, Rams, Panthers
AQUATIC MAMMAL DIVISION
Seahawks, Cardinals, Ravens, Falcons, Eagles, Jets
Patriots, Cowboys, Chiefs, Redskins, Steelers, Packers, Saints, 49ers, Texans
Buccaneers, Raiders, Vikings
MYTHICAL CREATURE DIVISION
Giants, Titans, Bills
DUBIOUS NOUNS DIVISION